Couples-holding-hands

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He’s got everything right, well almost everything. He doesn’t drink, I mean how many Kenyan men make the bar their second home? He thinks about you constantly and it shows. He texts to say he misses you, and calls just to ‘hear your voice’. His gifts are always something to look forward to because he listens to you, while in the mall window shopping, thinking out loud about how nice those glasses you saw were. Oh and he listens generally, he’s a great listener. He constantly takes you out, he’s basically a chilled out guy who seems to have it all, only he’s a little too chilled out.

Talks of the future are always awkward. He gets defensive when you question him on his goals, with you receiving the same old answer, ‘I’m still working on it’. You’ve been with him for a while, and throughout that time ‘he’s been working on it’. And there it is, his epic fault. He lacks ambition. However as any woman you try to weigh things out in your head, the good and the bad, he’s got great qualities and you feel he deserves a fighting chance. Except, over time this will just drag you down.

I remember having a conversation with my now ex-boyfriend about what his plans were for this year, and let’s just say the relationship didn’t get off to a good annual start. It was constantly the same disappointing answer. I frankly want to do just about everything; from law, journalism, travel the world, to owning my own business, and if I could fit that all into one lifetime the better. However he seemed to have an unrealistic, disinterested approach to the future, which we constantly had bouts about.

Then I received the best advice from a colleague at work, if a man decided to do something or achieve something, he would do it head on. No relationship with just about anyone would stop him, it’s us women who tend to get emotionally attached and compromise. Issue is that compromising in the present, prevents you from what you can achieve in the future. So when the time came to end the relationship, I let it go. The same colleague had travelled throughout Africa, leaving her kids with her husband to pursue her dreams, while she is now back with her family, she plans on doing it again soon.

I believe two people in a relationship should have similar levels of ambition, where one person lacks motive and is constantly throwing negative vibes at your aspirations, it brings you down with them. You begin to develop the traits of those you surround yourself with, if they lack ambition, you might end up not achieving as much. It’s actually noted that billionaires and several successful people throughout the world, spend time with good company, those who stimulate and provoke greatness in themselves and others.

You need someone who can support and grow with you, someone who you can high five after achieving every milestone. I decided that if I want to achieve it, nothing will stop me, not my family, boyfriend, friend, not even my own children when time comes. Ensure you live the life you want, not the life you had to choose because of any particular individual. If the person you’re with doesn’t enable you to live to your fullest, then its best to eliminate them from your life.

However if you feel like you could achieve just as much with them, then by all means go ahead and stay, but there will always be that elephant in the room, that one conversation that sparks argument, it’ll be difficult to grow as a couple. So close your eyes for a moment and forget how happy he makes you, how good he makes you feel or how thoughtful or sentimental he may be, and think about whether he’s good for your future. It may hurt in the short term, but your future self will appreciate your logic.

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