Just the other day, I was sad to read about a female Kenyan celebrity who furiously canceled her wedding minutes before walking down the aisle.
She came across nude photos and videos from her soon-to-be husband’s bachelor party. The party was crazy, so I read. But what pulled the last straw was a video of the groom getting down and dirty with one of her best friends, and recorded it!
Now as much as I cannot comment on the authenticity of this story-it was featured on one of these gossip e-zines-it was very unfortunate if indeed it happened.
But I applaud her for getting rid of the brute, and, most of all, standing up for herself.
I admit. I don’t know if I would have done the same. If I had the courage to cancel my hyped wedding at last minute. Letting years of dating and wedding planning go down the drain. Not to mention disappointing my parents, friends and fueling a volcano of gossip in the community about the tragedy that befell on my big day.
And most of us don’t.
We instead brush the humiliation aside and walk down the aisle in a fake smile. To commit for better or worse to a serial cheater who will hurt us emotionally and psychologically, (sometimes physically) for the rest of our lives.
After all ‘ALL MEN CHEAT’, right?
When writing this article, I researched online for scientific evidence to support the so-called ‘cheating gene’ in men. There was none.
Men cheat because they can. They either experiencing emotional or sexual problems with their wives, are selfish brutes who don’t care about hurting their wives or have been lured into affairs by seductive concubines roaming these streets.
Do not listen to careless bar talk encouraging ‘real men’ to step out of their relationships. It is actually harder to stay faithful than to cheat.
I know it is easier to go with the flow and do what seems popular. But are you ready for the consequences? I would rather not get into that right now, that’s a story for another day. But if you are looking for examples of happy monogamous relationships in this country, there are plenty. They are just not as popular as the messed up ones.
Many people who choose to stay committed to one partner have seen first-hand what infidelity can do to a relationship. It is not because they are weak or boring. It takes a lot to stay faithful.
If there’s no sex there’s no affair
Emotional affairs are just as bad, if not worse. Confiding in someone of the opposite sex, either at the office or church about your most intimate moments is emotional cheating. If you cannot have the same conversation with the person when your spouse is around, then you are cheating.
What usually starts as innocent harmless hangout, quickly graduates into full blown affairs.
In a survey for his book ‘The Truth about cheating’ Counselor M. Gary Neuman, states that affairs do not just happen. About 40% of affairs are with a workmate or a close friend.
Do not get too comfortable with people of the opposite sex if you are in a relationship, crazy things can happen.
Friends are not to blame
I was going to get cliché here and say birds of a feather flock together, but I will not. In the same survey, Gary Neuman found out that 77% of couples who cheated had friends who were not faithful to their partners. Subconsciously, cheating friends help you to justify doing what they do; some will even encourage you to do it.
Instead, hang out with people with similar values and interests. There you will find mutual support and encouragement to keep your relationship together.
The other woman is more attractive
Not! According to Neuman’s survey, out of the 200 couples he studied, only 13% thought the other woman was more attractive than their spouse or more handsome in the females’ case. They did it because the person was either easy lay or they were attracted to them for some other reason other than looks.
Cheaters do not regret
I was also surprised to hear this. In Neuman’s survey, 66% of cheating spouses admitted to beating up themselves about it all through the affair. In fact, Newman says, all cheaters have a sense of guilt; they just choose to ignore it. So, not all cheaters are heartless brutes ha?
‘Open communication, commitment, and extremely hard work are the perfect ingredients to a faithful relationship,’ writes Gary Newman. Keep tabs on your partner and keep doing what works for you. You do not have to cheat!